Sick

Why now?
I could barely breath.
I am afraid.
I couldn't focus.
I felt alone.
I wanna break free.
I shouldn't fall into this.
I hate myself.
Once, twice, thrice , never ending loop.
I think I deserved it.
Happiness is always short for me.
Here comes the reality to torture me.
No one have been through what I have been.
Don't say anything before you tried to step into my shoes.
I already did my best. I really did.
Give me of couple days and I'll stand firm like I used to be.
Used to the feelings, really hate it.
Counting my own blessings right now.
God decided this for me, I'll follow him with my heart.
Whatever the outcome is, I will survive the dark with Your light in front.